Ready or Not...
Written By Shannon Petty
This week has been a week of what I will call “Learning Boundaries” – NOT!! I have had to tell myself over and over to “enjoy the roller coaster of parenting adult children” and love them exactly where they are at, while counseling them at the same time (when asked). And in all seriousness, I have amazing young adults living on their own, spreading those wings, so I totally know this is all normal. I just never knew that I was not prepared for all this, but I am ready.
I will spend some time writing more specifically about my son on this blog. (I got his permission) There is a whole other level to writing about the daughter and I will do that at a different time.
Last night, I anxiously awaited his nightly text message. (I get a message every night without asking) I am so glad I don't have to ask, but last night I did not get my long awaited message, I am not prepared for this, but ready….. What do I mean? I have to admit I was stewing a bit thinking everything from "He's in a ditch somewhere to, does he love me?" It's funny how the devil can use our momma minds this way. I went to prayer immediately (As I seem to be getting much better at these days). What came to me as I was praying for him, was "Good job momma, he's thriving on his own, in my image". WOW, While I wasn't prepared for that, I was ready to hear it...….. an immediate peace filled me as I put it in God's mighty hands and went to bed. This morning, I woke early to a "I love you momma" Text message from him :)
Here are a few ways I am learning this new phase of not being prepared for this phase, but ready for this phase...…..
He’s totally pulled away from me, but needs me at the same time. I am learning fast that I don’t need to help him find matching socks, but will help counsel him in relationships, advise on decisions like money and time, and once in a while a college exam he asks me to pray over. I am seeing my role totally change, and I love it! I still find myself wanting to help him in the morning, as I know he sleeps through alarms, but I resist. When its the 2 of us on the phone,, he will ask me questions about handling situations with his peers and even his sister. How to be a good friend, and what to say and not to say.
He’s maturing so fast! What? He's Engaged!! He will soon be a husband! A few short years ago he was having "boy" slumber parties with food, games, and lots of laughs and clean up, now he's striving to be the best finance' he can be!
He now cares about his “looks”. No more reminding him about taking a shower, brushing his teeth, dressing nice, and now especially his hair! He takes more time to prepare in the morning, and stands staring at his closet deciding what to wear. No more backwards shirts, mis-matching shorts to shirts, no thought or care about all that, and me not having to tell him anymore to go back and start over.
The best part? The privilege of seeing him “growing” into a man. He has a long way to go, but you get to see the glimpses. His striving to be a good friend, son, grandson and especially finance' He wants to do things right. I get to witness all this every day. I get to see him study his bible, I get to see him be that “light" the people magnet and I get to see all of his struggles, confusion and triumphs.
When you really take a look you realize that you were not prepared at all…… but ready…….. This momma thing totally rocks, even when it doesn’t……
So moms of Adult Children BRAVO!! Even when you are not prepared....you are ready...…..Jesus has all this and them!
This week has been a week of what I will call “Learning Boundaries” – NOT!! I have had to tell myself over and over to “enjoy the roller coaster of parenting adult children” and love them exactly where they are at, while counseling them at the same time (when asked). And in all seriousness, I have amazing young adults living on their own, spreading those wings, so I totally know this is all normal. I just never knew that I was not prepared for all this, but I am ready.
I will spend some time writing more specifically about my son on this blog. (I got his permission) There is a whole other level to writing about the daughter and I will do that at a different time.
Last night, I anxiously awaited his nightly text message. (I get a message every night without asking) I am so glad I don't have to ask, but last night I did not get my long awaited message, I am not prepared for this, but ready….. What do I mean? I have to admit I was stewing a bit thinking everything from "He's in a ditch somewhere to, does he love me?" It's funny how the devil can use our momma minds this way. I went to prayer immediately (As I seem to be getting much better at these days). What came to me as I was praying for him, was "Good job momma, he's thriving on his own, in my image". WOW, While I wasn't prepared for that, I was ready to hear it...….. an immediate peace filled me as I put it in God's mighty hands and went to bed. This morning, I woke early to a "I love you momma" Text message from him :)
Here are a few ways I am learning this new phase of not being prepared for this phase, but ready for this phase...…..
He’s totally pulled away from me, but needs me at the same time. I am learning fast that I don’t need to help him find matching socks, but will help counsel him in relationships, advise on decisions like money and time, and once in a while a college exam he asks me to pray over. I am seeing my role totally change, and I love it! I still find myself wanting to help him in the morning, as I know he sleeps through alarms, but I resist. When its the 2 of us on the phone,, he will ask me questions about handling situations with his peers and even his sister. How to be a good friend, and what to say and not to say.
He’s maturing so fast! What? He's Engaged!! He will soon be a husband! A few short years ago he was having "boy" slumber parties with food, games, and lots of laughs and clean up, now he's striving to be the best finance' he can be!
He now cares about his “looks”. No more reminding him about taking a shower, brushing his teeth, dressing nice, and now especially his hair! He takes more time to prepare in the morning, and stands staring at his closet deciding what to wear. No more backwards shirts, mis-matching shorts to shirts, no thought or care about all that, and me not having to tell him anymore to go back and start over.
The best part? The privilege of seeing him “growing” into a man. He has a long way to go, but you get to see the glimpses. His striving to be a good friend, son, grandson and especially finance' He wants to do things right. I get to witness all this every day. I get to see him study his bible, I get to see him be that “light" the people magnet and I get to see all of his struggles, confusion and triumphs.
When you really take a look you realize that you were not prepared at all…… but ready…….. This momma thing totally rocks, even when it doesn’t……
So moms of Adult Children BRAVO!! Even when you are not prepared....you are ready...…..Jesus has all this and them!
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1 Comment
Wow! I'm right there with you, momma. My son asked me to look for an apartment for him and I went way beyond on my advice and told quite nicely to please step back, he'll ask if he needs more help. Ouch. I wasn't ready for the emotion I felt with that text. He sees me as being controlling and I see me as making sure he has all his ducks in a row before signing a lease. I am so not ready to navigate this stage of life.